Being Different in Different Places

I’m in Belfast again. In  fact I am in Bristol Airport so often that other travellers are beginning to recognise and talk to me! This time I was stuck in a “Speedy Boarding” Easyjet queue that was slower than the “Slow” queue. I suddenly was aware that my bag was vibrating and had to dis-assemble my whole violence bag – full of weapons and blood soaked clothes to switch off my electric toothbrush – in full public view. Airport security saw nothing – but seemed very interested in selling an elderly, confused person their unique plastic bag for£1.00 – just in case she was about to set up an elaborate chemical laboratory in in the toilet and send us all to kingdom come!

I can recognise that I am about to rant, so I’ll stop now before I become the worst version of angry old man!

Till later!

Filed under: 1, airports, Angry, People, Ridiculous

Where am I? A confession.

Okay so these reflections are becoming increasingly infrequent. Somehow it makes me think of a young man called Farouk. I met him on my way to Syria and onto Iraq. He was one of our group of travellers – Hosein, Rebwa, Farouk and myself. Farouk was very quiet and Hosein (a psychotherapist at the Maudsley’s Traumatic Stress Clinic) told me he had suffered terrible traumas both in Kurdistan and on his exile. He was returning home. He told me that he had been studying for some years, I think, at London University but still had to complete his Master’s thesis. When I asked why, he told me that although he was nearing it, he hadn’t yet found an appropriate dialectic. My honest (thankfully unexpressed!) reaction was “For goodness sake just do it and then get on with your life.” I had a similar reaction when my partner was doing her doctorate and more recently when my younger son was struggling to write up his thesis. I like to think I have an ability to look at the bigger picture – “this thesis (or whatever) is not your life, it’s the membership card to live your life!” But for Rebwa it was his life – an opportunity to successfully say in his own words, in the way he wanted to say it – what he had learned. My partner and son also, I think sought for an ideal against my cynical pragmatism – and better people for that. Actually, I am no better/worse – however you look at it. I could have written books on “Difficult, Disturbing and Dangerous Behaviour” several times over, but like Rebwa, this book would have to be the book of my life – and may be for that, I will never find the appropriate “dialectic.” This has become a bit of a confessional – and I had better stop before it all spills out! Do you know where I am? I am in Maynooth, County Kildare, Ireland. I am in a suite of rooms reserved for very important priest-like people – not for the likes of Travelodgers like me! At this very moment, in the most important theological college in Ireland, the biggest child abuse scandal in history is being discussed by the Catholic Church. This scandal is about “do what I say, not what I do.” Well actually, a lot more than that! – but I needed something snappy to sign off with – blow!

Filed under: 1, Confession, Iraq, Ireland, Meaning, Syria

How do you interpret behaviour?

The events below happened earlier this year, I’ve delayed pubilication as I wouldn’t want anyone to know the identities of the key players (other than myself – doh!)

We all consciously, but mostly unconsciously observe or notice things about others. Mostly it’s a casual observation but what if it’s not? You can say it’s their business, or give some polite feedback.

Well here’s a situation – I’m delivering a course on Dangerous Behaviour and a young female participant immediately announces that “no-one will get anywhere near me- believe me!” I interpret this as meaning “don’t mess with me.” Participants point out that if you get get on a tube (London Underground) you can’t avoid physical contact – yet she defiantly asserts “Believe me! It won’t happen.” Paradoxically she seems to be drawing everyone’s attention to a no-go area.

This is a training course, not group therapy, so I’d be happy to let it go. However, she pointedly looks out of the window, huffs and puffs, looks at her finger nails and storms out as soon as each session ends. Curiously, she always returns almost exactly two minutes after each session begins.

I experience some pressure because she is exhibiting difficult behaviour – and I’m supposed to be the expert, but I don’t want to humiliate her in front of her colleagues and yet she is always unavailable during the breaks.

I don’t work for this organisation, but I am torn. Whatever this woman’s issues, I have concerns for anyone who might depend upon her – her own children, clients – and for her. Do I walk away and say nothing? But I don’t know what I am dealing with and am I acting inappropriately?

Cowardly I said nothing all day. Yet I sensed that I was walking on egg-shells all day long – because of my uncertainty. At the end I thought it was one of my worst courses.

As she left, she did say “thank you” which surprised me. Afterwards I sheepishly asked the Training Organiser is there had been particularly negative course evaluations. To my astonishment, this woman, who many people in the department felt was “difficult” – thought that the course was “brilliant!”

I am not trying to blow my own trumpet. My first concern is that although this woman may be my advocate, and I should be grateful, she is also a support worker – and quite frankly, if I had any need for help, she would be the last person I would want anywhere near me. Given her employers cannot be unaware of the problem – what is my responsibility during and after a training event – to her, the training group, the organisation, her clients … and cowardly, myself?

Filed under: 1, Training, ethics, Training

Milton Keynes

I’ve been all over the world, but for tonight, for the first time – and I have no idea what to make oif it! Up until this evening I have been dependent on the views of others – which have always been highly polarised. Some seem to love it, others hate it. Now I understand that the area in question is what I am going to call Gridland – as opposed to the nearby areas.

Actually, its nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be – a bit like a leafy out of town retail park. I’m staying in the Central Travel Lodge which is exactly like every other Travel Lodge worldwide – which is fine. So I went out for a meal and avoiding my tendency to walk around for hours before picking the worst place in town to eat – I walked into the first place I could find “The Silk Road Restaurant.” Hmmm – a culinary and cultural confusion. Clearly an Indian/Bengali restaurant that wants to satisfy everyone – so they also do Thai, Chinese and Japanese food as well. I decided to play safe, and as I wasn’t starving went for the Biryiani. I was warned that it was very mild – actually it was more like rice pudding! Is this Compromise City or am I going down the wrong track?

What do you call a person from Milton Keynes – a Keynsian – sounds like an economist – a Miltonian – reminds me of cleaning babies bottoms . I should discuss this with my wife – she’s an expert on “Identity.” I have nowhere near enough evidence to understand the complexities of this place.

Tomorrow I may learn more. There must be some young people here as I will be working for the MKYMCA – are they Stepford Kids, the Kids from Hell, or just like kids everywhere else. I suspect the later – but wouldn’t it be exciting to discover that I’ve just entered the twilight zone?

Watch this space!

Filed under: 1, Milton Keynes, young people

St…St..Stuttering Suicide Statistics

Sorry folks – I’ve not blogged for a while. Since moving sites I’ve been wondering what its all about – and then I was listening to a famous author (so famous that all I remember was  being told she was famous) saying that we all have loads of incredible ideas in our heads, but the only way to be a writer – is to write! So, though there appears to be little in my head right now, I thought I’d experiment – and just write!

The one thing that does readily spring to mind is a recent posting on the IMPACT News site (www.dangerousbehaviour.wordpress.com) by Dr Keith Hawton regarding Suicide Rates. I met Keith many years ago and he was a really nice man. Clearly he is seen as the foremost expert in the UK on suicide and self-harm. My only gripe is that while he is very solid and careful, he rarely breaks new ground – his work is very conservative.

And reliable. So when I read his latest piece (see IMPACT News) I was dismayed. I have been trying for some time to sort out the mess of suicide statistics – only to find that reliable Doc Hawton offers us a completely different and contradictory set! I’ve been spun into a whirlwind of panic and confusion. However, after I settled down, I am begining to see some hope. Keith says that suicide is the 9th most common cause of death – I have always been told that it is the most common for men and third more common for women. Astonishingly he proclaims that the unemployed are no more likely to kill themselves than the rest of the population – I thought that the evidence was overwhelming!

But this is where statistics can make you go crazy. Are we talking world-wide, Uk, Europe? Are we talking all age groups, or a specific age group? Are we including all deaths or premature deaths? Are we talking about statistics based on death certificates, or research? Its a minefield!

I remember as an undergraduate reading a book called (I think) “How to lie with statistics” – how apt! None the less if you avoid the specific quarrels – it is true that the suicide statistics do reveal a great deal about the underlying forces/ingredients that culminate in a suicidal act.

Filed under: 1, rates, statistics, Suicide